Medieval People

I am sometimes asked what my biggest fear is. Some people would response with 'being alone,' 'speaking in public.' No, not me! There are two things that I am terrified of: Being attacked by a shark and Medieval People. Being attacked by a shark is self-explanatory--I just wouldn't want that to happen... at all! I usually have to explain the "Medieval People" one, though.

You see, there are a certain bit of people in this world who I think should go bag to Medieval Planet.. or wherever. Middle Earth? Hermoine? I'm not sure. ANYWAY, it's the scariest when they dress up for a Lord of The Rings or Star Wars opening night and hang out at the movie theatre two days before the first showing. They would rather have pointy ears and have a mermaid for a girlfriend than have a regular life. Forget about studying up on Obama or McCain when there are vampire books and 'Armored Lady' porn.

I remember the day this fear took hold of me. I was in a meeting in high school and a guy was sitting next to me. He had this sketch pad and was working on some of his pencil work and I noticed some of his drawings. He could have been a designer for Harry Potter--he was so creative! His dragons were pretty dang cool and his unicorns were outstanding. Then I saw it! The medieval porn. It was of this big-breasted woman with armor lingerie, hold a sword, ready to jump out of the drawing and pounce her nerdy creator. I started to scootch farther and farther away from that kid. I realized that dragons, pointy ears, capes and magic games go so much farther than sci-fi and fantasy books. It's a lifestyle of fantasy and a lifestyle of fantasy is dangerous, especially when it has to do with medieval people, running a muck with swords that they are too whimpy to carry in their lingerie armory.

Yes, I wanted to be a mermaid when I was a little girl and my favorite animal was a horse, wishing that pagasi and unicorns were real. Then I looked at my closet full of magic capes and Peter Pan skirts and realized that I needed to buy some t-shirts and tennis shoes and read something non-fiction. My colored tights are long-gone and my pointy wax ears have retired and am part of society. I wish Medieval People would come to the same conclusion that I have: You are all scary and weird.