2009 Fads Oops! I Meant '2009 Goals'

I prepared for this year, wanting to make it eventful and full of so many events. I made goals that I thought to make such events full of achieved goals but I realized, as December came to an end, the goals made were beyond my control or unreasonable, hence acheiving them was not ever possible. Here were my goals:





10. Acquire food storage for the 2012 death of my existence... 2012 was two years away so I ate it all


9. Make sure Taylor Swifts finishes all her speeches... Kanye blew it


8. Back-up the U.S. President... He hasn't done anything worth backing, yet


7. Find all cats, make them dead and turn them into trees so that it's greener and global warming stops... Cats are so fast


6. Be the best flu fighter in the world... I don't have the tools to measure that


5. Make an "I Got an App For That" app... I need a better phone


4. Give all dogs a crib, a stroller and a Gucci bag... Paris, Britney, Torrie and Boy George beat me to it


3. Create a reality show of smart people who don't need a reality show to pay the bills... They didn't go for it


2. Be a good American, despite that I am a white, heterosexual, religious American who loves America... Guess not


1. Fly off into NASA (inspired by Kanye West)... I don't have the equipment for that





As you can see, there were no events this year. Maybe next year, I could show blue people a better way of life, teach all of the celebrities' children about Wal-Mart or bring back the payphone.